Friday, September 26, 2008

These Boots are Made for...oh god no, forget it...too cliché. This is about Rubber Boots. There.


We walk through a cathedral of giant oaks, maples, ash, rowan. The air literally hued green from the canopy of trees high above. The ground squishing, oozing under each of our steps as we trudge along our chosen path. The recent rain has made everything wet, droplets fall around us soaking all...all but our wonderfully protected feet, that is!

Yes, I have discovered the joy of Wellies! Woo-hoo, for Wellies, people! My feet were warm, dry, and had that super-human-bouncy rubbery feel with every fall of my foot.

I felt quite the adventurer as my son and I rambled through the local woods near our house. We carried on, nary a care for where our feet happened to tread. For they were completely encased in Road Grade Dunlop Rubber and PVC! We could go anywhere, walk through anything. Mud. Streams. Gravel. Tall Grass. Exotic and exciting, it was akin to being a jungle explorer. I half-expected young Max to turn to me, a look of dread in his eye and say:

“Too bad the Hovitos don’t know you the way I do, Belloq!”

And of course my snide reply would be,

“Yes, too bad. You could have warned them about me…if only you spoke HOVITOS!” (and then I would laugh manically.)

(For the record, Max has not seen Raiders of the Lost Ark Yet, and is not Indiana Jones. Nor am I any sort of grandiose, deifically-inclined, French Archaeologist. This little scene is merely in my head.)

But, back to my Wellies.

These are knee high rubber boots that very popular here in the UK, but do honestly look a bit silly to wear at first. In a country that gets a fair bit of rain, the people here have devised all sort of means to “get on with it” despite the weather. Certainly you are familiar with the ubiquitous British Umbrella Fetish. They always have one. There are also quite a few people who manage to produce waterproof jackets seemingly from nowhere the moment it starts to drizzle.
So then, Wellies are for going about your business, whatever it may be, without care for the muck on your feet. You are completely sealed away from all moisture. They are quite warm too. One is supposed to tuck one’s trouser legs into the boot. This effectively seals off the inside and is part of the “insulation factor”. OK, not super warm but comfortable.

In some of my older posts, you have read my lauds of glory for the many Public Foot Paths here. Well, in order to more fully enjoy the experience, you got to have a pair of Wellies to do it.

Think about how often you have found your self out for a walk/stroll/high-speed chase and you spent a great deal of time looking down to make sure you did not get your shoes too dirty. With the Wellies it doesn’t matter. I walked carefree through a known sheep pasture. Normally, this would have been a minefield requiring deft reflexes and nerves of steel. But—I had my Wellies on! Sure I felt a “softer bit of turf” occasionally, but it wasn’t on me. I didn’t care where I stepped.

When we returned home, I put the boots in the backyard and turned on the hose. In moments I had a brand new looking pair of Wellies.

The bonus that I alluded to earlier is the ENTIRE boot is made of rubber, even the soul and the heel. So, as you walk on more solid ground, you get a little bounce-back feeling that is energizing. (There is a Cloth Liner magically affixed to the inside so as to avoid that Rubber-on-skin problem. Unless you are into to that sort of thing. You know who you are.)

Currently I am actively searching for Raw Sewage to trudge though with impunity!

So, you might be asking why Big Rubber Boots are called Wellies? Well, blah, blah, blah, something to do with the duke of Wellington, and a Victorian fashion craze, Beau Brummell dandies, fops, etc, etc... Look Here.
The come in thousands of colors and designs. Bears, flowers, sports logos, camo, punk chic...and of course olive green! You name it, and it's available as a rubber boot.

I am telling you now, Get yourself a pair of these things! The freedom is worth it. When I have them on, I am unsoilable.

Unless, of course, water somehow manages to get into the top of the boot. In which case I will be wearing two small bathtubs on my feet.

--tomb

1 comment:

Sean Scian said...

When I worked at the golf course in Illinois, I used to swear by a pair of fine rubber boots. There is nothing more satisfying than warm, dry feet, even—perhaps especially—when all else is soaked to what feels like the very core.

On the topic of footwear, I have purchased some Heelys, those wheeled shoes that you are likely to have seen “the kids today” wearing. I must say, though, that they are quite fun.

So I will try your boots, sir. I suggest you try some Heelys.